Month: April 2020

• Quarantine Day 21
• U.K. Prime Minister moved to ICU for COVID-19 symptoms.
• New York prepares contingency plans for temporary, mass burials in city parks.
• Alameda County cases: 557; deaths: 13
• U.S. cases: 330,000+; deaths: 8,900+

Back to work again for me today. This begins my fifth week working from home. The last day I was in my office was March 6. This week is Spring Break so there will be even less structure for the girls since Heather doesn't have any school work to complete.

I had a mandatory, online, COVID-19 training to do for work today. It was mainly things like how the virus is transmitted and why social distancing can slow the spread. Also rules about being on site and who is allowed on site and where to get PPE if you are on site. Also who to contact if you or anyone in your household is diagnosed either presumptively or via testing.

I made bread yesterday and we delivered a loaf to the neighbors. Dinner was bread, apples, and cheese. It looks like we're doing that for dinner again tonight.

We played Castle Panic yesterday. The girls like it and it's still fun for adults too. It's really well balanced. I think every game we've played has always been down the wire as to whether we'll win or not. Jess set up a fort in the living room which is now the griffin cave (the girls have been on a griffin kick lately for whatever reason).

The modeling has been updated today. This week and next week are expected to be the peak throughout the Northeast. So it's going to be pretty bad out there. California is modeled to peak in 8-11 days as well. But it looks like the stay-at-home order has been working. The updated projections show a peak death rate of ~70/day with a total death count of less than 1,800; which is quite an accomplishment from the earlier modeling.

The modeling assumes existing isolation measures remain in effect throughout May and I don't believe it attempts to model what happens once those are relaxed.

• Quarantine Day 19
• Alabama and Missouri finally issue shelter-at-home orders.
• CDC recommends wearing any kind of cloth face covering in public, but please leave actual medical equipment for professionals.
• Trump clarifies that he will not be following that guidance. A true leader.
• Livermore schools will not return to campus this academic year.
• Trump issued a DPA order to prioritize U.S. orders for N95 masks from 3M.
• There are many reports that the U.S. is hijacking PPE orders destined for other countries (I have yet to find a reputable source on these reports).
• There are people in the U.K. burning cellphone towers because they think 5G signals are spreading SARS-CoV-2 (or some equally stupid idea). They've also attacked maintenance personnel.
• Trump continues to purge anyone in the government who isn't loyal to him personally; most recently the Inspector General for the Intelligence Community (who approved the whistleblower report on Trump's illegal dealings with Ukraine for which he was impeached).
• Alameda County cases: 510; deaths: 12
• U.S. cases: 277,000+; deaths: 6,500+

Because apparently competence is seen as a weakness, Trump has apparently now put his completely unqualified son-in-law, Jared Kushner, in charge of the White House's official response team. In his first press conference he had this to say: "The notion of the federal stockpile was it's supposed to be our stockpile, it's not supposed to be states' stockpiles that they then use." Directly contradicting its officially stated purpose.

So, the new response is apparently to just gaslight the population. After he made that tone-deaf statement, they updated the government websites to use his language instead of what it previously said--that the stockpile was there for states to supplement their own resources.

I went to the grocery store last night to buy milk, butter, yogurt, etc. It wasn't as apocalyptic as it was two weeks ago, but there were still shortages and some products still not available. Eggs are now limit 1 per customer, but they're in stock. Plenty of bread and milk (still limit 2). Lots of yogurt and cheese. Limited cleaning products. A single bag of sugar hiding in the back of the bottom shelf. Even some pasta and rice. No toilet paper.

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New signage for the mandatory social-distancing protocol:

They also had a audio message as part of their music loop to the effect of "Attention Safeway shoppers, we remind you that the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommend maintaining approximately 6-ft social distancing whenever possible…"

Busier than the last time I was there, but not crowded. Many people wearing gloves and/or masks. I wore nitrile gloves again, but we haven't fashioned up any masks yet to meet the new CDC guidelines.

On my walk yesterday I went up to the highway overpass, I-580 through Livermore, looking east. On a typical Friday late afternoon this would be bumper-to-bumper from about 3:30 until 7:30. Here's what it looked like at about 4:30pm:

Not completely empty, but pretty bare.

I was going to spend some time this weekend making face masks per the CDC guidelines, but Mom says she'll send some of the ones she's been making. Those will be better having been made by someone with actual sewing experience and an actual sewing machine.

It's raining today and I didn't get a flower picture on my walk yesterday, so no calming picture today I guess.

• Florida and Tennessee finally issue shelter-at-home orders.
• First-time unemployment claims for last week: 6.6 million
• Some moron tried to ram a train into the naval hospital ship in Los Angeles (because "conspiracy"). Yes, it's exactly as insane as it sounds.
• Alameda County cases: 373; deaths: 9
• U.S. cases: 213,000+; deaths: 4,500+

I had a video-conference lunch with some friends from work today to help break the monotony of sitting in my closet all day. They seem to be doing well.

I made banana bread last night. We're almost out of apples and we're running low on milk. Looks like someone's going to need to suit up and brave the grocery store within the next day or so. I wonder if the stock has recovered at all since I was there two weeks ago.

The weather has finally turned sunny and is warming up a little. But it's supposed to rain again all weekend. So I won't get a chance to clean up the backyard for yet another week.

Corinne has been dressing up as Elsa from Frozen for the past few days. She wants to play "Anna and Elsa" which means someone else is Anna and Corinne walks around blasting things with ice and then you have to make her an ice palace (pillow fort).

Playgrounds, picnic areas, tennis courts, basketball courts, etc. are now closed:

The girls have lost:

• School (Heather: 2nd grade, Corinne: Pre-K)
  • academic instruction
  • social interaction
  • physical exercise
  • music
  • crafts
  • I don't even know what else
• Gymnastics class
• Swimming class
• Art class
• Church
• Playing with friends
• Weekly trips to the library and park

I am neither capable nor qualified to fill all those holes. I wasn't even good at the basic lifing I should have been doing before all this. And now...

It's too much. It's like when they were newborns. I think there's something wrong with me that I didn't enjoy the newborn stage. I was crushed by the overwhelming sense that not only was I 100% responsible for this helpless creature, but I was definitely for sure without-a-doubt failing. No matter how much I loved them, or how hard I tried. I just wasn't enough.

At those times, it was post-partum depression, and meds and time and eventually getting to sleep a reasonable amount did wonders.

But now... The girls fight, I'm short-tempered because I feel like I'm being squeezed from all sides, all the time, for weeks now, and I'm supposed to shepherd Heather through her schoolwork, keep Corinne working on her letters and writing, do science experiments, involve them in daily chores, teach Corinne to poop in the potty (which I haven't managed in 5 years, so I already have an A+ there), get them outside, make art, some religious instruction would probably be good now that we're down to zero in that department, read together, get their bodies moving so they will actually sleep at bedtime, play games, referee arguments, help manage emotions, oh, and satisfy Corinne's insatiable demands for both food and one-on-one play.

And, of course, I have no right at all to complain. We're healthy. We have a safe, comfortable home to shelter in. We stocked up on necessary supplies before this all hit. Kyle is working from home. (And if you know him at all, you already know that he is...I'm too stressed to find good words. He's the best. I don't have to explain; you already know.) I have the luxury of being home with the girls during this. (We're all home, but you know what I mean. I'm not trying to work a full-time job at the same time as all the above, like so many people.) We have a yard for the girls to play in. There are so many resources available at this time to make this all easier, and we are using them. (The girls are in doing Cosmic Kids Yoga on YouTube right now.) Really, I don't think we could be in a better situation for all this. I have no right to feel as awful as I do.

But I do. I am not enough.